Friday, 26 August 2016

33 Weeks



Here is where I am at this past week. I am 33 weeks pregnant, I have little accomplished on my "Get Done Before Baby Arrives To Do List" and I am feeling extremely unmotivated and complacent about it. The last few days I had to ride out some emotions. I have been here before, emotionally mixed up and not sure what to do about it, do you ever get like that? Tell me I am not alone in this place here people.

Please don't take my little emotional sharing as a lack of gratitude for the healthy baby growing inside and physically I feel pretty great. Like most challenges in my life, the mental struggles are always my largest obstacles to overcome and like I said, this week I have just been feeling emotionally mixed up. 

I am doing my best to soak up all the awesome one on one time I have left with Luke and at the same time feeling a little like less of the mom I use to be. It's not as comfortable for me to sit on the floor as it use to be and there is pretty much no room left for Luke in my lap when we read books together, I feel a little like I am failing sometimes.

I am also trying to find a balance with work as this time around I am not signing off for a year, I am just taking a little break and hope to be back servicing clients in November. I have had to turn a few jobs and promotional opportunities down in the end of September and throughout October because of the various unknowns of labour and baby land, and that's difficult for me to relinquish control of. 

And like most of my sharing, simply writing out my thoughts helps me to feel less anxious about the current phase I am passing through.

And I am just passing through, today was a really great day and its easier for me to share my tough feelings now that they are behind me. I am truly learning to find little joys in tough days and weeks, and comfort in the fact that I always come through the other side brighter, stronger and with greater perspective. 

Lastly I am just excited to meet this new person, introduce Luke and see our family grow. 

When I was at this point in my pregnancy with Luke the song Anticipation by Carly Simon kept playing in my head as well as, I would repeat to myself just like Dory "just keep swimming". 

Today is Friday and somehow on Fridays the world just seems a little brighter and my worries are not as big. I am feeling like I have made it through this little storm, I rode out the emotions and did my best to find the good in a few gloomy days. 

What do you think? Have you been here before and how do you ride out your mixed up emotions? 

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