Realization

Over the past few years I have been thinking a lot about what kind of adult I want  to be.  Thoughts like "How do people perceive me?", "How can I be a great wife?", "How can I make my community a better place?" and "How can I be a good Mom someday?" are things I have given many hours of contemplation.

As references, I look to the adult figures in my life like parents, mentors and teachers.  I have found as I turn into an adult woman, I view these figures in a very different light.  As a child most adults in my life could do no wrong (I mean they were adults, whatever they do must be correct) and I idolized them.  Now as I become an adult and I am faced with choices, I am finding it difficult to look up to those figures because their choices are not matching up with what I want for my life.

Things I thought I knew, are now items I ponder and question.  This is an exciting realization because this is how I believe we evolve but it's also troubling.

What I am attempting to do right now is choose the characteristics that generally drew me to those figures, focus on those, take them with me, leave the rest behind and make room for me to write the rest of the rules myself.

The next big questions with writing your own rules is of course "How do I know if I am doing it right?"  

I hope to always analyze the way I live my life and continue to grow and learn but I think what I need to do is figure out what I want, what the end result looks like and then create a map that will help me get there.

Time to start planning my route, 26 year old me knows a little bit about what I want.